i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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