I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
