You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
