we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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