i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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