I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
