Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
