The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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