I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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