I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
