I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
