it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
