he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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