I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
