don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
