i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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