roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
