WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
