before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm too high and old for this...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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