she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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