after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
