Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
