i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
