My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
