He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
