I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
