We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
