I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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