Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
