you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
