So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
