i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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