3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
did i just pee glitter
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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