may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i think i just lost a toe
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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