I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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