I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
