his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
