That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
