I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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