Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
