So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So squirting runs in the family.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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