Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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