So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
