On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
