Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
