I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
