Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
