I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
