oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The power of my boobs compel you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
