That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
