I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
