im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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