we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
