Too much gin, very little bucket
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
