He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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